How To Trigger Responsive Desire

Responsive desire occurs in reaction to sexual stimuli, and understanding how to trigger this desire style can increase the desire for sex, and capacity for pleasure.

Written By: Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach Alice Child

Desire isn’t black and white, it changes, and evolves throughout our lives. Many things can impact our sex drive, such as context and stimulus.

We each have our own unique formula — the right combination of context and stimulus that creates arousal and the desire for sex. Creating the right context for desire to build is what is known as responsive desire, and understanding what it is and how to trigger it can be life-changing for people who want to increase their desire for sex and capacity for pleasure.

What is responsive desire?

Responsive desire is the growing interest in sex that occurs in reaction to sexual stimuli. Even if you’re initially not in the mood for sex, if you give yourself enough time, context and pleasurable stimulation you can become aroused and desire sex! This is known as responsive desire.

This stimulus could be anything; physical closeness with your partner, a make out session, a sensual massage, watching your partner undress, a hot bath… it really depends on what works for you.

These stimuli are what sex educator and researcher Emily Nagoski describes as your ‘accelerators’ in her best-selling book, Come As You Are. Accelerators are your list of sexual turn on’s — you own secret weapons that you can use to help you relax, connect with your pleasure, and kindle the spark of desire.

Responsive vs spontaneous desire

The other form of desire is spontaneous desire. Spontaneous desire is a spark of interest in sex that seems to come out of thin air. Unlike responsive desire, your mental interest in sex seemingly comes out of no where, without any external stimulus.